freedom – Happily Healthful

Got to Break Free

So many voices inside our heads: mothers, fathers, preachers, teachers, etc. They are all there advising us how to live our best lives. Everyone seems to know just what we should do yet most of them aren’t doing it themselves. That’s probably because they are listening to the many voices in their heads too. My goodness I wish they’d all be quiet.

Those voices have kept me from doing a very great many things, including writing. I have had so many pieces of advice jammed into my head it’s a wonder I can get out of bed in the morning without checking in for advice on how to do it. It is exhausting and debilitating.

It’s time to break free. It is time to quiet those voices that are not helping us to live life as ourselves. All the unsolicited advice ever given has been based on someone else’s experiences or needs. No one ever means us harm, I don’t think, but so often people put themselves first, even if unintentionally.

I have found myself struggling to make decisions to move forward in my life. It comes from having been given two very different directives by people who had a say in my life. First directive: stand on your on two feet. If you can’t achieve it yourself you don’t deserve it. Asking for help is weak and an embarrassment. Second directive: do not be an inconvenience to anyone, be available to help others with their needs and wants first, you come last.

Let’s not get into the details of the many instances in my life that created these divergent beliefs. That would take an entire book and this is just a blog post. Just know, those directives were ingrained over many years by quite a few people. Many of them I surrounded myself with as an adult because they supported what I believed.

It still amazes me how good we are at finding so many things to support beliefs we don’t even know we have. Then one day, hopefully, we wake up and realize “this is not my beautiful house. Well, how did I get here?” (verses from a great existential crisis song by Talking Heads). When that moment happens, you’ve made your first step towards breaking free.

It is time to wake up and realize we may have strayed from the path we actually wanted to be on. The voices of all those people, past and present, are not living our lives. We are living our lives. We are the key to unlocking the cage we find ourselves in. It is up to us to turn this around and find a way back to the dreams we have buried. My favorite line/scene in the movie Labyrinth is when she realizes this very secret!

What a powerful statement! “You have no power over me!” Come on, say it! Now, keep saying it. Every time those voices start making noise use this as your key: “You have no power over me!” You may have to say it 1,000 times a day but that is so okay. Say it as often as you need to until you believe it. You will know that has begun to happen when you start making decisions without all those voices putting in their two cents worth. At the very least, the volume will have them turned down to a whisper. You will get to where you make confident decisions that lead you to the right places, have faith. Your heart and mind can work together to create your beautiful life. It is just going to take a little consistent practice.

You have all you need to find the answers to live life your way. You have the courage, knowledge, willpower and heart. Now, let’s lose the excuses of our past to not live fully present today making all our dreams our reality for the future. You are the key, the author, the manifester of your wishes, dreams and life. It may take a little time to either backtrack or find a new road to where you are going, but you can do it. Break free! You deserve to live life as you!

Memorial Day Memory

It was now a very long time ago. I could not have been older than 4 or 5. My parents took us on a day trip. I couldn’t tell you where it was or the name of the town. I simply remember the reverence with which my father held that trip.

I remember it being a town that harkened back to colonial times and that there was a cemetery there. My dad walked through the headstones stopping at the ones that bore an American Flag. He took the time to read the headstones of which the engravings were still legible. It was the quietest I can ever remember my dad being, as he was a great talker of many things.

Being very young, I did not understand the significance of the flags or my dad taking that time at each headstone bearing one. Then he explained that these headstones were of those that fought in the Revolutionary War. They had fought and sacrificed their lives during the birth of this great country that we were blessed to live in. He shared, that though the war had been fought a very long time ago, because of what they sacrificed and why, they deserved to be remembered and honored.

My father instilled in me that day, and many times after, the love for this beautiful country that I get to live in with the freedom to be and do what I want. He further instilled in me the desire to honor those that have given all that they have to ensure the freedom of those they love as well as those they would never know.

To all who have given everything they had to protect our country’s freedoms as well as to protect those around the world who could not protect themselves, you are remembered and revered. Thank you for all that you gave. Thank you also to those who carry the memory of family members, friends or brothers and sisters in arms. You ensure that they are never forgotten. Yours is an honorable task. They are grateful for it as are we.

Freedom Brings Happiness

Let me start by saying that this article is in no way a political statement or discussion. There are those who are far better equipped than I for that conversation. If that was what you were looking for you need read no further. Enjoy the personal freedom, which is what I will be talking about, to go no further.

Okay, whoever is left, thanks for sticking around:

Freedom: the condition or right of being able or allowed to do whatever you want to, without being controlled or limited
Cambridge Dictionary

We all have goals. “I want to be happy” is the most popular goal of them all. Then comes the question what do you need to be happy? That’s when the wish list comes out: I want lots of money. I want this kind of house. I want to live in this certain place. I want to weigh a certain weight. I want this certain job. I think you get the idea. That leaves us with the understanding that we can only be happy when we have that wishlist met. Happiness then, it would seem, is fleeting at best. It comes and it goes as the items on our wish checklist do and changes at a moments notice based on almost anything that passes or does not pass through our lives. There are many things in this ideology that can stand in the way of our happiness.

Perhaps then the goal should not happiness. Maybe what we are actually looking for is the space for more opportunities to be happy and that those times last longer. We may consider that happiness is then the by-product of what we are actually looking to obtain. What I have heard from most people is that we all want to do what we want to do, when we want to do it, how we want to do it and with whom we want to do it. I believe that this is the layman’s term for freedom.

Once we decide that freedom is the goal we can start a different list. This list will be what we would be doing if we were free to do what we want. I think very few of us, if any, would choose to work more, whether that is at a job or at home. We probably wouldn’t choose to do more housework, work longer hours or spend more time away from those with whom we love to spend time. I think we might choose instead things like sleep until the sun rose, be creative, take a walk outside in the fresh air and sunshine, be with the people we love. Okay, that’s my list. Yours may look a little different.

What I’m getting at is that freedom, unlike happiness, has little to do with the things we collect. In fact our collection of things and the constant need for more of them to sustain the feeling of happiness may well stand in the way of our freedom. Don’t get me wrong, if going sailing is something you truly enjoy spending time doing, it will be important to have a sailboat or at least access to one with which to do it. We obviously will want to have the tools to do the things we want the freedom to do. More so consider how much stuff we have collected that no longer has our attention while we strive to make enough money to buy more. Personal freedom has a lot more to do with how we choose to spend our time and with whom we spend it and only a little bit about the items needed.

I got to really thinking about the distinctions between happiness and freedom recently as I looked back over the past couple/few years. I know and fully acknowledge that many things went awfully wrong in that time and I will not disregard or make light of the many tragedies that were suffered over that time. However, when I looked back over this time in a personal sense it turned out that a lot of things had gone right. Though I had to close down the practice I had spent a great deal of time building I wound up having time with my son and my husband that I had never before had, ever. I took walks in nature most days with my pup. I woke with the sun. I had time to write and do photography. Prior to two years ago I had been busy busting my tail perpetually to have a bigger paycheck. That bigger paycheck allowed me to take a couple of “good” vacations each year. Those vacations, though memorable, only left me dissatisfied with my every other day. I was dissatisfied because I wanted more of that freedom to do, be, go and have what I wanted.

What I have learned about freedom, personal freedom, is it does look different to everybody. For some, it is to have a business that they run the way they want. For others, it is about more quiet time. Still others, it is the time to be around people having great conversations and lots of laughs.

It does not matter what you want the freedom to do. There are no wrong answers to the question: “What would you do if you were free to do anything you wanted?” It may start as simple as binge watching a show you only saw the first season of before you got too busy to keep up with it. Any place is a good place to start. When we start figuring out what we want the freedom to do, we can create the road map that leads us to that freedom.

To get you started on a path to freedom I’ll give you an example. One of the things I mentioned wanting the freedom to do was getting up with the sun. Now, mind you, I don’t have little kids that I’m raising. If I did, I might have to put that desired freedom a little further down my priority list. For me the road map to that particular freedom was, when I was able to start rebuilding my massage practice, starting my work day later. My hours don’t start until 10 AM because I want to get up with the sun. This allows me to be more relaxed entering my work day and fully present for my clients. All the way around a win-win.

We have the power and ability to create the freedoms we crave. Sometimes it means trade-offs either with our own priorities, time-lines or with our significant others. Once we start working on what freedom looks like to us as individuals, it very quickly sorts itself out which are the most important and achievable right now. Every time we create another one of our personal freedoms we make another step to creating the overall life of freedom we want to be living. The more free we are, the happier we just may find ourselves.

Here is a suggestion to begin creating your road to freedom. Create the picture of what your absolute life of freedom looks like. It doesn’t matter how you do it, but make it concrete so you can refer back to it over time. Paint an actual picture, write a list, make a vision board. The point is to make it something real that you can look at any time you want. It’s yours, so there is no wrong answer and you can change it over time. Even better, over time you can see how far you’ve come.

Photo by Dominika Roseclay on Pexels.com

Once you have your picture, it is time to get to work. Choose the simple, most easily achievable goals first to get that immediate taste of freedom and success. Enjoy the journey. Celebrate the wins. Don’t let the challenges discourage you. Don’t be afraid to change course. Sometimes we have to take a detour to get safely where we mean to go. The only way you can go wrong is if you do nothing at all.

For me life is good and I am happily enjoying my continued journey to freedom. I can’t wait to see where your journey takes you! Please share in the comments some of your personal freedom choices and let’s celebrate each others’ wins!

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