Tag: happy

Got to Break Free

So many voices inside our heads: mothers, fathers, preachers, teachers, etc. They are all there advising us how to live our best lives. Everyone seems to know just what we should do yet most of them aren’t doing it themselves. That’s probably because they are listening to the many voices in their heads too. My goodness I wish they’d all be quiet.

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Those voices have kept me from doing a very great many things, including writing. I have had so many pieces of advice jammed into my head it’s a wonder I can get out of bed in the morning without checking in for advice on how to do it. It is exhausting and debilitating.

It’s time to break free. It is time to quiet those voices that are not helping us to live life as ourselves. All the unsolicited advice ever given has been based on someone else’s experiences or needs. No one ever means us harm, I don’t think, but so often people put themselves first, even if unintentionally.

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I have found myself struggling to make decisions to move forward in my life. It comes from having been given two very different directives by people who had a say in my life. First directive: stand on your on two feet. If you can’t achieve it yourself you don’t deserve it. Asking for help is weak and an embarrassment. Second directive: do not be an inconvenience to anyone, be available to help others with their needs and wants first, you come last.

Let’s not get into the details of the many instances in my life that created these divergent beliefs. That would take an entire book and this is just a blog post. Just know, those directives were ingrained over many years by quite a few people. Many of them I surrounded myself with as an adult because they supported what I believed.

It still amazes me how good we are at finding so many things to support beliefs we don’t even know we have. Then one day, hopefully, we wake up and realize “this is not my beautiful house. Well, how did I get here?” (verses from a great existential crisis song by Talking Heads). When that moment happens, you’ve made your first step towards breaking free.

It is time to wake up and realize we may have strayed from the path we actually wanted to be on. The voices of all those people, past and present, are not living our lives. We are living our lives. We are the key to unlocking the cage we find ourselves in. It is up to us to turn this around and find a way back to the dreams we have buried. My favorite line/scene in the movie Labyrinth is when she realizes this very secret!

What a powerful statement! “You have no power over me!” Come on, say it! Now, keep saying it. Every time those voices start making noise use this as your key: “You have no power over me!” You may have to say it 1,000 times a day but that is so okay. Say it as often as you need to until you believe it. You will know that has begun to happen when you start making decisions without all those voices putting in their two cents worth. At the very least, the volume will have them turned down to a whisper. You will get to where you make confident decisions that lead you to the right places, have faith. Your heart and mind can work together to create your beautiful life. It is just going to take a little consistent practice.

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You have all you need to find the answers to live life your way. You have the courage, knowledge, willpower and heart. Now, let’s lose the excuses of our past to not live fully present today making all our dreams our reality for the future. You are the key, the author, the manifester of your wishes, dreams and life. It may take a little time to either backtrack or find a new road to where you are going, but you can do it. Break free! You deserve to live life as you!

Lessons by the Sea

Wandering through Pinterest I came across this beautiful poem by Bernadette Noll. It really resonated with me while bringing back so many lovely memories of time spent by the ocean with people I love. I liken my sifting through Pinterest to sifting through the sand by the sea. I am always looking for those wonderful little gems to collect and share. Both tasks takes some time and patience. Yet they bring such unexpectedly perfect rewards.

I spent summers at the shore in New Jersey with my family. We would go on wanders in both good weather and bad. It was there that my mom and dad taught us the lesson of unexpected gifts. My parents showed us that by broadening the lens of our focus and having no expectations we could allow anything to come to our attention.

There we would be, the five of us like the little sand pipers up and down the beach, close to the waves and back again, looking for those little treasures. Some days there might not be much to be excited about. It was just nice to enjoy being close to the water. We all loved hearing the waves and smelling the salt air. The day was never a waste. Then there were those other days. They were the days when out of nowhere someone would find that perfect surprise piece of sea glass all polished and worn. The color would be exclaimed over when a rare shade was found. There was no jealousy in someone else’s find. There was just excited exclamations and joy because sea glass was no easy thing to find. Hail to the intrepid and patient adventurer who found that rare gem!

My dad would then get us to thinking about that worn bit of flotsam. What had it been when it was whole? Where had it started? Where in the world had it traveled? Who had touched it at some point? What did its’ color tell us about its’ story? He helped us appreciate why even finding that little piece of sea glass was such a gift. He helped us understand that its’ “life” was an adventure to be treasured. He set our imaginations to wandering and instilled in us a desire to know and understand stories that were not our own.

That is why this beautiful poem spoke to my soul. Our lives are much like sea glass. Where have we been? What have we seen? Who have we known? What has our place in the bigger picture been as we’ve traveled our spiraling, bouncing and wandering paths? We’ve entire adventures to share.

Let us step back and view the panorama of each others’ lives through a broadened lens. Any one of us might be a gift that another didn’t even know they were looking for. It is time we appreciate all that each of our lives have been and where they may yet go. We are like those precious bits of sea glass discovered near the ocean. We become a bit worn, our angles softened by our experiences. Yet we are all still gifts. Let’s find and enjoy the hidden treasure that is each of us.

Just do it!

It is time to tell the voices of your history to shut it! Yes, I said shut it. Somewhere in our lifetime, there was some thing we wanted to do. Some thing maybe we wanted to be. Then we started letting everyone else tell us who, what, how, why and when to be anything, everything. Tell me who made them the boss?

I know some things we were told were truly for our own good. You know the ones, look both ways before you cross the street, save some money for a rainy day. They are good things as they have continued to keep us alive and well.

That’s not the things I’m talking about. I am talking about the things that set our souls on fire. The ones that made our hearts come alive. The ones that got our whole being to perk up.

Those things will be different for everybody. Could be singing, dancing, acting, painting, gardening, writing. You get the picture, creative things. Some time in your life you may have enjoyed those things. Unfortunately, somewhere in your life, someone put it in your head that you couldn’t do those things. Maybe it wasn’t a “safe bet” for a future career. Maybe they were in a bad mood and told you to stop what you were doing because it was annoying them. Maybe someone else stepped all over their thing and they believed no one should get to do some thing like that if they couldn’t. Who knows what their motivation might have been.

So you stopped. Maybe you never even started. Growing up we overhear all kinds of conversations. As kids we tend to internalize those conversations because it came from someone important to us, important to our welfare even. We did not want to disappoint that person so we never did anything with that thing we wanted to try. I’ll give you an example. When I was a kid, I wanted to try learning to play the violin. I loved the sound of violin music. I loved watching someone play because their whole being became involved with the music. I was told that I would not be allowed to learn because the sound of someone learning the violin is like listening to cats being tortured. (not making that up). That was it. No violin. Perhaps I might have proved to be a virtuoso. The world will never know. Or will they?

You see, we’re grown-ups now. I’m not saying that thing of ours is going to turn our worlds around. I’m not saying that thing is going to make us a millionaire and loved by the world over. I’m not saying any of that. What I’m saying is, that those things made our hearts come alive. It made us dream. It made us imagine all possibilities. That is all that those things needs to do now.

I don’t know if any of us will be any good at what we try. It may take a little time to show any promise of being good at whatever it is. There is only one way to find out if we are going to be good at something. We just have to do it. Do it as a hobby. Do it as a toe-hold on our sanity. Do it because it brings our souls back to life and our souls deserves to live, really live. The people around us deserve to see us with our inner lights turned on and turned up bright.

Just one more thing. Remember how soul crushing it was to not be able to at least try that thing out? Let’s do someone else the favor of not doing that to them. Let’s support someone else trying out theirs. Maybe it’s your kid, your friend, a parent. It doesn’t matter who it is. It is time to lift each other up and give ourselves the chance to see where that little dream we have, that little light, takes us. What a beautiful world we are going to create.

Share your some thing and how you’re doing with it in the comments. Chat with each other. Chat with me. Let’s be each others cheering section?

P.S. If that thing you try out doesn’t quite pan out, it’s okay. You can tweak it or change it all together. There are so many facets to our own art and how it gets expressed. I have a great friend that knits hats that he donates to Veterans’ Organizations. Who knew he’d be so good at it and get such joy out of it. There are no limits on the things we get to try, how old we are or how long it takes. Just do it.

“I Hate Confrontation”

According to Oxford Dictionary confrontation is: A hostile or argumentative meeting or situation between opposing parties. Based on that definition, agreed, I hate confrontation. However, confrontation should not be confused with disagreement. A disagreement is when we don’t see eye to eye on a subject. It becomes a confrontation when it escalates into loud voices, arguing, expletives and more.

Sometimes someone tells us something about ourselves, or something they perceive in us that we don’t like. It seems it is human nature to immediately take the opposition with guarding and argument. We may use deflection pointing out something we don’t like in the other person or even someone not involved at the time who exhibits the same behavior or trait. We may use the tactic of making excuses for what has been pointed out to us as well. What if instead we just took a moment to think about what that person has shared with us. Do you know what courage it may have taken them to bring this to your attention? I have rarely found that there isn’t some truth to what someone has showed me about myself.

Unless we’re already at the confrontational phase, what that person is pointing out to us is most likely not meant to be hurtful. Not if it is someone who cares about us. It is often easy to tell that they are coming from a loving place by the language they are using to point something out to us. The fact that they are not yelling should be a really good sign. When someone is bringing our attention to a trait or behavior of ours it is because they want things to be better in their relationship with us. They may devolve into that confrontational stand point when they feel the frustration of not being heard or understood.

Listen, pause and think. This is one of the best ways to work through something with someone who cares about us. Maybe we don’t realize we respond a particular way because it has become a habit for us. We can ask to step away from the conversation if we need to give ourselves time to see it through the other person’s eyes. We can always continue the conversation later. People really do want to get along and will give us the space we need when they care about us.

Of course, we all want to be the hero of our own story. But, did you ever notice, the hero in every story has a moment where they question themselves and who they are? They have this epiphany often brought on by some level of adversity that evolves them into the true hero that they are meant to be. Let’s consider what someone is sharing with us about ourselves as one of those possible moments to evolve.

We deserve to be the best version of ourselves. Sometimes that means working on something about ourselves that hurts someone else. Sometimes, it is seeing ourselves with honesty and doing the work that is necessary to create the change we want to see around us. None of us is perfect and honestly, who would want to be. Perfection leaves us nothing to strive for. However, we are all amazing works in progress. Sometimes the next lesson, the next evolution of ourselves comes from someone showing us our not best features and giving us the opportunity to grow. Ideally, that is what can bring people closer together.

Just a reminder…

I love this! We all have that amazing day when we stand up for ourselves and say I’m done. We mean it too. Then life happens and we forget that we said “I’m done”. How about we remind each other. Let’s catch each other when we see one of us faltering. We don’t have to do things all alone. It’s time to surround ourselves with the people who will catch us when we fall and help us be strong again. I’m here to remind you that you’re done. Maybe tomorrow, you can remind me.

  • Tiny Buddha is one of my fave places for positivity. You can catch them on their own website or follow them at Tiny Buddha on Facebook! (No compensation for sharing their info). Click on the highlighted text and it will take you right there.

Noise vs. Nature

All the noise, noise, noise, NOISE

Dr. Suess

We don’t do quiet very well anymore. What’s worse is that we don’t even notice how much manmade noise is in the world around us all the time. We wonder why we can’t string a thought together and are easily distracted. It is all the noise jamming up our brains.

I really noticed this issue when I went down to the Dunedin Causeway today to walk. It’s a great way to clear the cobwebs out of my brain and get my creativity going. The problem was, I couldn’t get my zen on. There were cars going by. There were a few people sharing their high decibel bass music from vehicles. People were walking by sharing their phone conversation with everyone. What was missing was the sound of the breeze moving the palm fronds, the water lapping at the shore, the birds chattering to each other. What was missing was the quiet music of the natural world. I’m sure it was still there. I just couldn’t hear it over all the other noise.

I find that when I get out into the natural world (in a place I can actually hear it), everything just calms down. Time slows down for me. So does my heart rate and breathing. My whole nervous system goes into a rest and digest state. Then the magic happens. My brain stops jumping all over the place. I can string coherent thoughts together. Even better is that this overall effect seems to last for quite a while once I head back indoors to get things done. It is amazing what a little time with nature can do for us.

“Research has found that people who spent just two hours per week outside in a natural setting reported greater well-being compared with people who spent less time outdoors.” I already know what you’re thinking. “I don’t have two minutes in a week let alone two hours to be outside!” I get it. Sometimes, most times, I don’t either. Good news! Further studies have shown that listening to recorded natural sounds has the same benefit. Numerous natural sounds were recorded and played in lab settings in 11 different countries. The results were pretty impressive as those who were tested showed a decrease in stress, annoyance and pain. They also showed a great improvement in mood and cognitive testing.

So, when you can get out into nature, take the time for your happiness and health. Even 5 minutes sitting on a deck, park bench, or wherever you can find nature counts. When you can’t get out into nature there are all kinds of natural sound recordings that you can download to any device and just take a few minutes to listen and reset your balance. One of the apps I use is Calm.com. (I am not compensated for sharing their site). There is a free trial. Then there is a monthly subscription. However, there are plenty of other ways to download free natural sounds online. Just type free natural sounds into your device’s search engine. If you like something that will always be available to you then you can purchasing digital albums through sites like Amazon. (Again, not compensated. Just click on that highlighted Amazon you just saw and it will take you to what I found.)

I hope you get some time this week to get quiet and hear nature in some form. I like to check out new places, and so do others. So, go ahead and share your fave spot to get into nature in a comment and in the meantime, enjoy this quick little natural sound video I took:

Lake Valhalla, East Stroudsburg, PA Spring 2021
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