Got to Break Free

So many voices inside our heads: mothers, fathers, preachers, teachers, etc. They are all there advising us how to live our best lives. Everyone seems to know just what we should do yet most of them aren’t doing it themselves. That’s probably because they are listening to the many voices in their heads too. My goodness I wish they’d all be quiet.

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Those voices have kept me from doing a very great many things, including writing. I have had so many pieces of advice jammed into my head it’s a wonder I can get out of bed in the morning without checking in for advice on how to do it. It is exhausting and debilitating.

It’s time to break free. It is time to quiet those voices that are not helping us to live life as ourselves. All the unsolicited advice ever given has been based on someone else’s experiences or needs. No one ever means us harm, I don’t think, but so often people put themselves first, even if unintentionally.

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I have found myself struggling to make decisions to move forward in my life. It comes from having been given two very different directives by people who had a say in my life. First directive: stand on your on two feet. If you can’t achieve it yourself you don’t deserve it. Asking for help is weak and an embarrassment. Second directive: do not be an inconvenience to anyone, be available to help others with their needs and wants first, you come last.

Let’s not get into the details of the many instances in my life that created these divergent beliefs. That would take an entire book and this is just a blog post. Just know, those directives were ingrained over many years by quite a few people. Many of them I surrounded myself with as an adult because they supported what I believed.

It still amazes me how good we are at finding so many things to support beliefs we don’t even know we have. Then one day, hopefully, we wake up and realize “this is not my beautiful house. Well, how did I get here?” (verses from a great existential crisis song by Talking Heads). When that moment happens, you’ve made your first step towards breaking free.

It is time to wake up and realize we may have strayed from the path we actually wanted to be on. The voices of all those people, past and present, are not living our lives. We are living our lives. We are the key to unlocking the cage we find ourselves in. It is up to us to turn this around and find a way back to the dreams we have buried. My favorite line/scene in the movie Labyrinth is when she realizes this very secret!

What a powerful statement! “You have no power over me!” Come on, say it! Now, keep saying it. Every time those voices start making noise use this as your key: “You have no power over me!” You may have to say it 1,000 times a day but that is so okay. Say it as often as you need to until you believe it. You will know that has begun to happen when you start making decisions without all those voices putting in their two cents worth. At the very least, the volume will have them turned down to a whisper. You will get to where you make confident decisions that lead you to the right places, have faith. Your heart and mind can work together to create your beautiful life. It is just going to take a little consistent practice.

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You have all you need to find the answers to live life your way. You have the courage, knowledge, willpower and heart. Now, let’s lose the excuses of our past to not live fully present today making all our dreams our reality for the future. You are the key, the author, the manifester of your wishes, dreams and life. It may take a little time to either backtrack or find a new road to where you are going, but you can do it. Break free! You deserve to live life as you!

Live Life Fully

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There is a great chasm of difference between surviving and living a life.  Many of us are waiting until we have all the things we want and then we’ll “be happy”, “take a break”, “spend time with the kids”, (insert your desired outcome here).  Now, there is nothing wrong with wanting all the good things we are wanting in our lives.  Those things give us something to strive for and the effort to achieve them keeps life interesting. The issue is, that while we are busy waiting and striving for those things we are not actually living, we are only surviving.

Surviving is when we don’t tune in to all the in between moments. Those are the moments that fill the gaps between the “wow” moments where everything comes together. We plod along, head down, nose to the grindstone, working and striving for those big moments. With our narrow focus, eye-on-the-prize mentality, we miss out on the day-to-day opportunities to be happy, take a break, and spend time with loved ones now. It all passes by mostly unnoticed.

Living, on the other hand, requires paying attention at least most of the time.  When we live in the here and now, fully present, we get opportunities to experience the full range of human emotions and experiences. Many of the moments in life aren’t “wow” moments. In fact the large majority of them aren’t. The greater part of life is instead all the beautiful quiet, little moments. They include time with friends and family, the sun shining on our faces, a hug at just the right moment, the pleasant surprise of a favorite old song coming on the radio, an unexpected day with nothing to do and so many other things. Soak up all those little experiences along the way. It is all those moments that are a life. Then, every once in a while, the Universe peppers our already full lives with some real “wow” moments. The graduations, the new car, the dream vacation. You get the idea.

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Sometimes we need a little help getting started on enjoying life moment by moment. I know that I did. This little project helped me a great deal. I hope it will help you too.

Find three pictures of yourself, all before the age of 8. We are looking for pictures of ourselves from before we entered the first grade. Generally speaking, before first grade is the time before we had to start achieving and being what other people thought we should be. It was the time in our lives where we had little or no responsibility. We were allowed to explore. We didn’t think too much about what others thought of us. We played. We were happy. The unhappy moments that we did experience did not last long. We truly felt all the emotions and everything was a new experience that we put our whole selves into.

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You see, that beautiful, bright, fun-loving, open-to-adventure and experience being is still in us. They are at the core of us. We’ve just covered them up with a whole lot of stuff, expectations of others, and yes, goals. They are always within us waiting. Every once in a while, when no one’s looking, we let them out to play. Those are the moments when we laugh ’til tears run down our faces, do something creative, read a great book, dance like no one’s watching. Can you feel that beautiful “you” right now? They really know how to live! This is who we want to get back to being.

Once you find your three pictures you are going to put them in a frame. Have some fun picking out or making that frame. After all, this is all about you. When you’ve got it together it is time to put the frame in a place of honor where you can see it every day.  Spend at least a minute or two each day remembering how it felt to be young, joyful and ready for adventure. It is time to return to that innocent, creative  and bright place.  It is time we got back to the place where we had every potential and our imaginations could come up with any possibility and live it. It is time to enjoy all the moments that make up a life. Welcome back to the land of the living! What an amazing ride this is going to be!

Here are my pictures. I keep them in my office where I sit and dream, create, breath and live. I check in with this little girl everyday and remember who I really am. She helps me to remember how to live life. Feel free to share your pictures in the comments. I would love to meet you too. Let’s cheer each other on as we enjoy all the moments of our lives!

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